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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23662543">ease my mind</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cedricsboyfriend/pseuds/cedricsboyfriend'>cedricsboyfriend</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>hedric shorts [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:48:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,979</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23662543</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cedricsboyfriend/pseuds/cedricsboyfriend</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>an angsty but not really collection of prompt-based tumblr shorts that ended up kind-of being a cohesive story</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cedric Diggory/Harry Potter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>hedric shorts [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1688842</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>103</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>tumblr short based on "cedric felt like a fool"</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Burrow was quiet, its Weasleys (and one Granger) long tucked into their beds while fire slowly crackled amongst piled logs and pages of the Prophet, the front-page photo of Harry; bruised, bloodied and worn in the Ministry…burning away bit by bit.</p><p>In front of Cedric stood a different Harry; bandaged, his figure bearing the evidence of all those seconds he took during supper and that gaunt expression—those dead eyes that had been captured by the camera—melted away in the warm light.</p><p>It was <em>just </em>Harry. The licks of his disheveled hair were doused in the glow of fire, casting shadows on the front of his face, hiding so much that to an extent; one who was particularly far-sighted wouldn’t be able to discern his expression from a few feet away.</p><p>But Cedric didn’t need to <em>see </em>to know.</p><p>Harry’s shoulders were hunched. His voice was raw, like he had <em>just </em>woken up or maybe he had screamed into a pillow a thousand times, and…</p><p><em>“I love you,”</em> he heard him whisper, hesitant. The lilt of his voice only <em>just </em>stirring the air; the sound of muffled crickets outside the Burrows louder than each of the three words he so carefully spoke and his gaze furtively cast away.</p><p>“You <em>love</em> me?” Cedric’s mouth ran dry as he stared, the gentle crackle of the fireplace distant as his mind pounded with Harry’s voice over and over again.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Then <em>why—</em>” Cedric moved toward him, outstretching his hand and trying to reach out, to hold him close, to <em>hold</em> him there. But Harry, slow and still <em>painstakingly </em> careful, knocked his hand away; shifting so he was neither pointed toward nor looking Cedric directly in the eye. Instead he let his body collide with his shoulder, a gentle stop as Cedric stared at him, heart racing; pain welling up behind his eyes.</p><p>“Why?” Cedric asked. He couldn’t fathom it. But he suddenly realized now why Harry was so quiet, why he was so slow and so careful, and <em>why </em>he had shut his eyes and <em>why </em>he had faced away.</p><p>If Cedric spoke any louder, if he made any more movement or raised his voice even that one bit higher; he knew that he’d <em>break</em>. His eyes had began to prick and there was a dull throb in his chest, and he knew what kind of expression crumpled his face,</p><p>It mirrored Harry’s.</p><p> </p><p>Cedric swallowed. He dug his nails into his fists.</p><p>“Why?” he asked again, whispering.</p><p>Harry opened his eyes and turned to look at him, <em>really</em> look at him, for the first time and finally Cedric had a good and proper look at Harry’s face too.</p><p>His eyes were red. Dark bags underlined his lashes, tear-stained streaks dried on his cheeks. When Harry opened his mouth to explain what was probably the most <em>infuriating</em> piece of logic that barred their exchange of hearts, Cedric just stared at his eyes. He just stared and stared and <em>stared</em> and he watched the reflection of his fire-lit figure echo in Harry’s irises.</p><p>There was something else as well, but he wasn’t whether it was Harry’s or his own pain reflected in those eyes, and yet irrevocably, irreversibly and unequivocally... Cedric knew that he loved Harry Potter and that he loved him back.</p><p>And in the elation and the grief that turned his heart, in that <em>very </em>moment of pain and utter bliss: ... Cedric had never felt more like a fool.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>i wrote a part 2 to the first one based on the prompt: "did you sleepwalk into my bed?"</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was not often that Cedric would wake up, warm and so slow, as if he had faded into consciousness; the light that peeked from his drapes trickling in and roused him gently from what felt like a rare, <em>dreamless,</em> slumber. </p><p>He yawned and began to feel around for the bedpost, arcing himself slightly as he stretched. He felt <em>heavier </em>than usual.</p><p>He felt the air rest, thumbing its way through the newly formed scar on his cheek, while the left side of his waist throbbed underneath his bandages. As he grew more awake with each blink, the sense of something wound around his legs and his waist sank deeper and deeper until he realized; something was shifting underneath his blankets<em>.</em> </p><p>
  <em>Did Crookshanks sneak in last night? </em>
</p><p>Cautiously, Cedric pulled back the covers to reveal <em>Harry </em>curled up beside him; his arms wrapped tight around Cedric’s waist, their legs entangled. With a sudden and overwhelming awakeness that turned his droopy eyes wide, Cedric could only stare, dumbfounded and paying no mind to the discomfort or the pressure against his injury, as Harry began to stir—now exposed to a rather crisp summer’s morning, goosebumps forming down his arms. </p><p>“Good.. <em>good morning,”</em> said Cedric, still in a daze. He watched Harry grunt in response, yawning as he heaved himself onto all fours.</p><p>“What time izzit?” he mumbled, almost swaying as he clambered to sit on the edge of the bed.</p><p>“E-Early.. or else George would’ve barged in already,”</p><p>“Right, right…” Harry nodded, one too many times, as he scratched the back of his neck. Cedric dug his nails into his pillow, nervously.</p><p>“Why were you here?” he asked. Cedric watched as subtly, Harry’s back snapped straight, but only an inch.</p><p>There were a few seconds of silence, before he felt compelled to fill it in.</p><p>“Did you sleepwalk into my bed?” he joked, trying hard to not read too deeply into Harry’s silence. Or how crimson the tips of his ears turned.</p><p>“... At least laugh or <em>something</em>, Harry, I was just kidding—”</p><p>“You were crying in your sleep,” Harry suddenly whispered, so low that Cedric almost didn’t catch it at all, “I came in to see if you wanted supper but you were already-.. I couldn’t leave.”</p><p>“Oh,” said Cedric, looking down at his palms, “You could’ve—“</p><p>“I <em>couldn’t</em>.”</p><p>“Well, you don’t have to do stuff like <em>that,</em>” Cedric tried to laugh, but it sounded too dry, too bitter. Desperately, Cedric struggled to keep his body still, to keep the distance between himself and Harry and not close it.</p><p>To keep calm.</p><p>Keep composure.</p><p>But all he could do was make a fist, dig his nails in, and try to hide expression.</p><p>“You’ll get my hopes up, you know,” he said weakly, truthfully.</p><p>There were a few moments silence before Harry stepped off the bed and turned around, the sun shining through the curtains and casting a glow behind his frame. At the sound of the springs groaning, Cedric glanced up and immediately bit his tongue, as Harry, who looked at him with crescent eyes—smiling soft and sweet—looked like he was on the verge of <em>crying</em>. His face creased. His lips barely trying to keep together, crumpled and <em>crushing </em>Cedric’s chest. </p><p>“Sorry,” Harry whispered again, ever so quietly, before finally; he walked away. His bare feet pattering against the wooden floor.</p><p>As the door clicked closed, Cedric found himself letting go of a breath that he didn’t even know was hitched, and fell back into the bed—burrowing underneath the covers, and hugging his knees against his chest, not <em>minding </em>how much pain stabbed at his waist; not minding because his own head was too much in tatters, and too much to handle, already. </p><p>He stayed quiet as thunder rumbled, rolling beyond the distant hills, a cluster of clouds growing heavy with sleet; the sunshine gone as the curtains drooped, melting into a grey day. As the rain began to fall, tapping on his window pane, Cedric buried his head into his pillow.</p><p>“It’s cold,” he whispered, a hole gaping inside his chest.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>this one was based on the prompt: <br/>“Harry, why are you holding a ladle at 3am in the night?”<br/>“… I… heard… noises…”</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cedric eyes widened. <em>Noises?</em> </p><p>Everyone else was asleep. Outside, members of the Order of the Phoenix kept guard and there was an alarm set on the door that would trigger the second someone unwanted snuck through and forced themselves in. Not even gnomes would’ve thought to enter the perimeter, let alone make a noise loud enough to pierce through The Burrows walls.</p><p>“Are you alright?”</p><p>“’m fine,” said Harry and Cedric frowned. He had been hearing that reply a lot. </p><p>“Look if you need to talk—”</p><p>“—I keep telling you, Ced, I’m fine! You don’t need to worry about me.” he said, shifting to avoid that careful gaze. But relentless, Cedric stepped closer and grabbed his shoulders, forcing Harry into the light.</p><p>Eye bags, gaunt cheeks, pale skin.</p><p>He was so thin. Harry had washed clean the grime and dirt, but still he looked like a straggler. He’d been energetic and quick and sharp as they tramped into the woods and yet he looked more exhausted than he’s ever been; it made Cedric’s heart drop.</p><p>“What’s going on?”</p><p>“Nothing, I—!”</p><p>“—Don’t.” Cedric said immediately, the edge of his voice, the slant of his brow shutting Harry down. “You’re not eating, you’re not sleeping. You’re lying to me about hearing noises or you’re hearing ones that aren’t real — <em>what’s going on?”</em> </p><p>Harry didn’t answer. His eyes darted around for help but there was no one, of course. <br/>It was just them, standing alone in the Weasleys' kitchen.</p><p>He shook his head, “You won’t understand.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“You <em>won’t</em>.”</p><p>“Try me,” said Cedric. He held Harry still as he attempted to squirm away.</p><p>“... I’m weak.”</p><p>“No, you’re not.”</p><p>“I am—”</p><p>“—Stop, you’re not.”</p><p>“Shut up!” Harry flung the ladle downward, sending it clattering across the floor. “I’m <em>weak</em>. I can’t protect anything, <em>anyone!”</em> </p><p>“And you think that forcing yourself awake, starving yourself—slowly <em>dying</em>—is the solution?” </p><p>“I just wanted a way out of the loneliness!” Harry said and he wrenched out of Cedric's grip, pressing his hand against the lightning scar as if it were an open wound, stabbing and gushing out. “Out of the nightmares and this <em>guilt—”</em></p><p>“<em>—</em>You have one!” said Cedric, grabbing his wrist. </p><p>“What then?” he snapped in return, “What is it? What do I have!?”</p><p>Harry shook loose but felt Cedric’s fingers refasten twice as fact, and they stared at each other, Harry’s face caving; dyspeptic. Cedric’s eyes ablaze like freshly-struck iron, betrayed only by the bottom of his lip which he bit back as he stared at Harry; hard but in the way stone walls held steady before their eventual crumble.</p><p>“Who am I without the pain, Cedric, what… what else exactly do I have?” said Harry. It felt like his forehead would split its own seams. It felt like his heart would break. There was this sound of water pooling in his ears and he felt himself sway as if drunk on anger, on the loss, on the grief and the misery of it all; this cruel world with no mercy to spare despite having spent the entirety of his youth believing. </p><p>
  <em>What was it? </em>
</p><p>What did he have? What did <em>anyone </em>have to get out of this?<br/>To get out of this suffering that the world <em>put </em>in you. Of the self-torment. To get out of the external fallacies and devil-work that sloshed and then struck at your legs like hand-axes waiting to call ‘timber’, ‘fore you felled? </p><p>What did <em>anyone </em>have to get out of their own loneliness?</p><p>Cedric stared at him, his face strained.<br/>“You have <em>me</em>,” he whispered, raspy. Close to crying, “You can have <em>all </em>of me, if you’d like and if that’s not enough, I’ll hold all of that loneliness too, I-”</p><p>Harry felt Cedric’s hands brush against his cheeks, trembling, <br/>“I’ll hold all of you.”</p><p>A tear slid down Harry’s cheek, his face turned stony and stoic as Cedric looked at him, equally tired. Equally aching and sore and done in. <br/>Another tear fell and then another, and another before finally they both fell into each-others arms; holding tight and unyielding, unable to tell whose crying was whose, sobbing into the others shirt, weeping while cupping the back of the others head. </p><p>They held each other while the rest of their world slept on.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>harry thinks about sirius's death everyday.</p><p>i wrote this when hurting got too much of me.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>again, this is pretty old. i was and still do love cliches.</p><p>this is written in a world where harry decided he couldn't be with cedric because it would make him too much of a target.</p><p>im pretty sure this one has other parts.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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